Understanding the DBT Stop Skill to Survive a Crisis ... Without Making it Worse

When emotions run high, it’s easy to react impulsively or say things we later regret, often leading to misunderstandings and conflicts that could have been avoided. The DBT STOP Skill provides individuals with a straightforward and structured method to pause, reflect, and respond in a more intentional manner, allowing for better emotional control and communication in challenging situations.

When to Use STOP:

• You receive a stressful email or message and feel the urge to reply angrily, perhaps due to a misunderstanding or an accusation that feels personal. In these moments, the temptation to fire back with a heated response can be overwhelming, but using the STOP skill can help you take a step back and reassess the situation before reacting.

• Conversations get heated and emotions are rising, making it difficult to think clearly. When discussions escalate, it's common for people to become defensive or aggressive. The STOP skill encourages you to pause and collect your thoughts, allowing for a more constructive dialogue instead of an emotional outburst.

• You feel overwhelmed, anxious, or panicked in work or personal situations, where stress levels are high and clarity is low. In these instances, taking a moment to apply the STOP skill can help ground you, reducing feelings of anxiety and allowing you to approach the situation with a clearer mindset.

• You notice impulses to act in ways that could harm yourself or others, whether through self-destructive behaviors or hurtful words. Recognizing these impulses is crucial, and employing the STOP skill can serve as a vital intervention to prevent actions you might deeply regret later.

• Intense emotions threaten to take control of your behavior, leading you to act in ways that are out of character. The STOP skill can help you regain control, reminding you to consider the consequences of your actions before making decisions driven by fleeting feelings.

Why STOP Helps:

• Gives you a moment to pause instead of reacting automatically, which is particularly important in emotionally charged situations. This brief pause can be the difference between a thoughtful response and a regrettable reaction.

• Helps you think clearly and avoid decisions driven solely by emotion, allowing you to process your feelings and consider the perspectives of others involved in the situation.

• Supports better emotional regulation, which is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. By managing your emotions effectively, you can foster more positive interactions and reduce conflict.

• Builds a habit of responding with intention and self-awareness, rather than reacting on autopilot. This practice not only enhances your emotional intelligence but also empowers you to make choices that align with your values and long-term goals.

In Practice: Whenever you notice yourself feeling triggered, take a moment to try the DBT Stop Skill by following the steps represented by the acronym "STOP." First, pause to give yourself a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Next, step back from the situation, both physically and mentally, to gain perspective. Observe what’s happening inside you—your emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations—as well as what’s occurring outside in your environment. Finally, act with purpose by choosing a response that reflects your true intentions and values. Even small moments of mindful pause can prevent regretful reactions and support calmer, more effective choices, ultimately leading to improved interactions and personal growth.