Radical Acceptance: The Most Challenging AND Most Liberating DBT Skill

Ever since I started my training in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), I knew that radical acceptance would be one of the most challenging—and emotionally tumultuous—skills to practice. I wasn’t surprised when I spoke with other DBT clinicians and colleagues who shared the same belief. In fact, Marsha Linehan herself acknowledges how difficult it can be.

Radical acceptance, however, lies at the heart of DBT. It’s absolutely necessary to build a life worth living. Without it, the path to recovery is much steeper, even impossible in some ways. There are basic facts we all need to acknowledge:

• Trauma or an invalidating past shapes the way we experience pain and find safety in the world.

• The future is unpredictable; recovery is not linear.

• Life contains inevitable pain—relationship breakdowns, divorce, death, job loss, chronic illness—just as it contains joy and achievement, like promotions, marriages, or raising healthy children.

  
  

Radical acceptance is the skill of acknowledging and accepting the things we cannot control—wholeheartedly. It’s about accepting our past, the challenges and accomplishments of our present, and the reasonable limitations on our future.

There are things in all of our lives that may feel impossible to accept. For example, if you are a trauma survivor, it’s often the case that the wounds of trauma continue to cause suffering through difficulties with trust, safety, or relationships. But radical acceptance doesn’t mean approving of what happened. It doesn’t require forgiveness. It simply means acknowledging reality as it is.

Acknowledging reality can actually become the first step toward freedom from painful behaviours that are geared toward escape or avoidance. When we accept reality as it is, we can focus on what we can control—and change those things. In short, radical acceptance frees us from the burden of trying to fix the unfixable and opens space to act where change is possible.

You don’t need to start by radically accepting your biggest traumas or life events. You can begin small, in day-to-day scenarios, to notice the sense of freedom—even momentary—that comes from letting go of what you cannot control.

For example, just two weeks ago I was driving to an important event that started at a precise time. I hadn’t checked traffic or construction along my route, and soon found myself stuck behind a major construction delay. I felt immediate anger—anger at myself for not preparing better, and frustration at the situation.

In that moment, I noticed that my anger would do nothing to change what was happening. In fact, it risked leaving me dysregulated, unable to problem solve or communicate effectively when I arrived. The only path forward was radical acceptance. Simply recalling the skill allowed me to soften the anger, take a deep breath, and accept that I would be late—and that it wasn’t the end of the world.

This small, everyday practice of radical acceptance builds resilience over time. It reminds us that while we can’t control everything, we can control our response. And in that space of acceptance, we often find the freedom to navigate life with more clarity, calm, and agency