The Power of Connection in DBT Therapy

Understanding DBT and Its Core Principles

People often think Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) works because of the skills worksheets or the structure. And yes, the skills are great. But honestly? The thing that really changes people is the relationship.

Marsha Linehan writes about this clearly: In DBT, the connection between therapist and client is part of the treatment itself. This connection is especially important when being your real self, being honest, and talking openly about anything that gets in the way of progress for either person (Linehan, 1993). Relationship matters.

The Struggles of Seeking Help

I work with many individuals who come in feeling “too much.” They have often been let go by previous therapists or told they’re “difficult.” Some have faced judgment because of their diagnosis, while others show up already braced for rejection. That’s what they’ve learned to expect.

It breaks my heart every time. So much of their pain comes from relationships that have failed them, even professional ones.

A Different Kind of Relationship

DBT makes room for a different kind of relationship. And so do I. I bring my actual self into the room, not a filtered “therapist version.” If you tell me something wild or unfair that happened in your life, sometimes the most healing thing I can do is say, “You’re right. That wasn’t okay.” Validating reality doesn’t always sound clinical. Sometimes it sounds human.

There have also been moments when I’ve had to say something even harder. There have been times when a client’s behaviors were burning me out, and I told them honestly. Not to shame them, but because hiding it helps no one. And do you know what usually happens? Relief. Not defensiveness. Relief. Because someone is finally being authentic with them and staying in the relationship while doing it.

The Importance of Accountability

I’ve also had sessions where I accidentally said something invalidating. Not because I meant to, but because I’m human. Instead of pretending it didn’t happen, DBT asks me to repair it; to say, “I missed the mark there” or “I get why that hurt.” Clients are often shocked by that level of accountability. Many have never heard anything like it from partners, family, or professionals. Those repairs are some of the most important moments we ever have.

Building Connections Through Shared Experiences

Therapy with me includes laughing together, crying together, celebrating wins together, and grieving losses. At times, it can even involve talking about the TV shows we love or our favorite hobbies when it matters. Being honest. Being direct. Being real.

That’s the heart of DBT. A real relationship with skills built around it. A space where you don’t have to hide the messy parts of yourself. A space where someone shows up and stays.

The Role of Skills in DBT

The skills help you build a life worth living. But the relationship helps you believe you deserve one. When you feel accepted and understood, it becomes easier to embrace the skills you learn. You begin to see that change is possible, and you deserve happiness.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey Together

In conclusion, DBT is not just about learning skills. It’s about fostering a genuine connection that allows for healing and growth. When you feel supported, you can explore the depths of your emotions without fear. Together, we can navigate the complexities of your experiences and work towards a brighter future.

References

Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.